My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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