my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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