His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
