Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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