They should really pass out barf bags in church
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
