Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
