If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
