i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
