haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
