Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
