The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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