so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
