if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
