you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
