So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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