Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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