I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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