is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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