my mouth tastes like poor choices
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
