i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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