Your dad touched me again.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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