did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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