it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
