How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
