I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
