When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
