It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
