you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
