I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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