So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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