Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
