marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
