never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my poor anus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
