I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
