these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
