and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
