like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
