So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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