look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
