Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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