Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
