The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
