Do you still have your period?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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