he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
