five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
