A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
