how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
