he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
