i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
