The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
