my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
