too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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