so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
